Are you a booty call?

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Free Advice Chances are you’ve heard the term “booty call” — it’s essentially calling someone (the booty call) to engage in sex outside a relationship:

phone rings later at night
no public acknowledgement of a relationship, except maybe friendship
and when they choose to enter into a relationship, it’s with someone else

Have you ever felt like a business booty call? Maybe you’re even feeling like one now:

you’re called/emailed for free advice
you’re not publicly acknowledged for the great advice you give
and when they choose to invest in a relationship, it’s with someone else

If you’re not enjoying the experience as much as your “friend”, it’s time to step back and redesign the relationship:

think about what you want from the relationship and communicate that to your friend
set boundaries around your contacts so you’re not the one always giving
be ready to move on if that’s what’s best for you

And if you find yourself in this position often, ask yourself why:

Do you value yourself, your business and what you have to offer?
Do you have products, programs and services available or is “free” the only way you can share your expertise?
Do you *need* to be liked by everyone and believe giving away your info is the way to do it?

If any of these “why’s” resonate with you, take some time to:

write down all the things which make you and your business special and unique
read through client testimonials and catch yourself smiling at the words and knowing you’re the reason
call and chat with someone who adores you. . .just for being you

Always remember, it’s your business and you choose — whether passively or proactively — how it will be.

If you’ve ever been/felt like a “business booty call”, what’d you do to change the relationship?

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http://www.yourwordsyourvoice.com Lisbeth Tanz

Sandra, this is such a common problem for solopreneurs – especially female ones. I can only speak for myself, but I’ve given way too much away to potential clients – and then found them working with someone else. I guess it’s as true in business as in the dating world – the less you reveal, the more they’ll want you!
- http://www.SandraMartini.com Sandra Martini
  
  Hey Lisbeth,
  
  Thanks so much for commenting!
  
  I think it’s a definite problem for solopreneurs — particularly those starting out who feel the need to give everything away. That said, it is important to establish credibility by sharing some (just not all) of your expertise and tips.
  
  Happy February!
  
  Sandy
http://www.VivaVisibilityBlog.com NancyMarmolejo

Love the title of this post!!
This is all about boundaries and brings us back to the question of drawing the line between what’s free and what’s for a fee. I offer complimentary strategy sessions to people interested in working with me, but I noticed a lot of people coming on to the calls only interested in getting free advice. I had to go back to my sign up page, take out any vague language, and make it clear this wasn’t free coaching. So that was a boundary I had to set and fortunately it’s working well.

With real friends, though, it always evens out. I am grateful to be able to give and take with so many friends and never feel burned out or used. They help me as much as I help them. That’s why friends (real friends!) are so important. Someone I just met who direct messages me on Facebook with 10 questions… that’s another story all together.
- http://www.SandraMartini.com Sandra Martini
  
  Hey Nancy,
  
  You’re exactly right…with real friends, you never feel taken advantage of, or like a booty call. You know they’ll be there for you just as you’re there for them.
  
  Boundaries, being clear in language and valuing ourselves is all key to successful relationships — in and out of business.
  
  Thanks for stopping by.
  
  With love and abundance,
  
  Sandy
- http://www.sevenoaksconsulting.com/ Jeanne Grunert
  
  Same here, Nancy….I found people were using the call to try to get a free marketing plan and not really explore their options. By the same token I don’t hesitate to pick up the phone and call friends at other marketing agencies or my consulting mentor for advice or just a catch up call. It seems to balance out more with them (the give and take) as compared to other situations which were as you say about boundaries.
Paul Zelizer

Great post Sandra and wonderful title!

I’ve been a booty call quite a few times in the past (I’ll maintain my dignity by leaving out any reference of how many). As someone who’s passionate about how our mindset effects our business, I really appreciate your invitation to explore how much we value ourselves.

As I’ve come to value what I offer more, I’ve made changes to the language on my site similar to Nancy’s suggestions. In addition, I now can “feel the vibe” of someone who’s not genuinely interested in my services but only looking for a free handout. In fact, yesterday I had that sense and referred this person on without even setting up a chat. And the whole process was guilt free. How cool is that?

Nice to meet you Sandra!
- http://www.SandraMartini.com Sandra Martini
  
  Hi Paul,
  
  It’s a pleasure to meet you as well!
  
  I believe that when we know, accept and value ourselves and what we have to offer, that vibe is felt by others as well as by us and naturally results in less of the booty call-type “relationships”.
  
  Thanks for commenting!
  
  Sandy
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=623485059 Cathy Jennings

Right on, Sandy!

As much as I hate to admit, I have felt like a “business booty call” at times. I love your suggestions for turning that around and for the tough questions we really need to ask ourselves to get to the “why” and how to change that.

Thanks for the fun and informative post.

Cathy Jennings
http://www.NoPressureNetworking.com
- http://www.SandraMartini.com Sandra Martini
  
  Hey Cathy,
  
  I was working with an NLP expert one day and he gave me some questions to ask myself…ever since then, I’m reminded that personal (and business) growth is about the questions we ask ourselves.
  
  Thanks for being willing to look within to get the answers,
  
  Sandy
http://www.tamethewritingmonster.com Carol Hess

Ouch, Sandy! I think I was the inspiration for this post. That’s how close to home it hits for me. Your voice will be ringing in my ears the next time I’m tempted to allow myself to become a booty call. So will my mother’s. “Why buy the cow when the milk’s so cheap?” Who knew Mom’s advice would apply in business too?

Thanks for telling it like it is with your in-your-face posts, Sandy. You’re telling us what we need to hear. Just like Mom’s advice, it’s for our own good!
- http://www.SandraMartini.com Sandra Martini
  
  Hey Carol,
  
  Nope…you weren’t the actual inspiration, although most any small business owner could have been.
  
  It’s not that we shouldn’t give info away, we absolutely should and it’s part of how we build credibility.
  
  Like most things, it’s important to know “why” we’re doing it and when it no longer feels good.
  
  Thanks for commenting!
  
  Sandy
Win

Oh boy, did this post resonate with me! As a web developer who works with very small businesses, I have been doing an awful lot of handholding and business coaching — without getting paid for it. So my challenge now is to figure out how to charge for what takes up a good portion of my time, and then to educate my clients on the new boundaries.
http://www.sevenoaksconsulting.com/ Jeanne Grunert

You know, as I read this, I thought of a few examples….yikes! I never thought of this situation in this particular way. I’ll take your advice for sure on this one, Sandy!
Lynda-Ross

I LOVE this article, Sandy! I started smiling when I saw the title and am still smiling after finishing the article and checking out the comments. You’ve tackled a common problem for all business owners with humor and great tips. Like everyone else, I’ve had my share of business booty calls and clearly defining the boundaries that are important to me made a big difference in the comfort and ease with which I am able to respond to them. But you’ve changed me forever with your creative moniker for these calls – a big smile will now accompany my comfortable and practiced response!
http://twitter.com/Mike_Cleveland Mike Cleveland

Carol,

This is a great post. This post speaks to the belief system that a person has about the value they bring to the table. In personal relationships as well as business relationships.

It begs the question, ‘How much do you think you’re worth?’ This belief system
get translated other into business. It like running from one relationship to get peace to another relationship, and find out your still in the same mess.

What the common denominator? You! There can’t be any change from sadness
to happiness, poor to rich, or failure to success, unless there is first a change in your thinking. This is the true reason so many fail in business and in life…..

Thanks for this reminder, that tell us real change come from a change inwardly first and not the other way around.